He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
