After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
