And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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