So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
