So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
