so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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