i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
