I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
