you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
