I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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