Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
