the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
