Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
