On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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