You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
