2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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