Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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