I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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