i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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