This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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