Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
