Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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