i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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