porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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