there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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