i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
