normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
