so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
