What a fucking waste of an outfit
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
