Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
