How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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