I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
