If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
