Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
