Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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