he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
