i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You did what with his pubic hair?
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