Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
