Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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