I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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