i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
