My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
