after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When did angry sex become our thing?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
