Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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