I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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