Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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