I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
