I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need to calm my uterus...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
