Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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