my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
