Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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