dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
